When I was three months pregnant, eating just a slice of cheese brought me to tears. Not the actual cheese, just the idea of it . I was still at the stage where most foods made me nauseous, and after ordering a simple turkey sandwich at a restaurant, I was irrationally convinced the chef would sneak a slice of Swiss cheese into it. My husband tried to calm me down, but I was convinced dinner was going to be ruined, and I felt like he didn’t understand what I was going through, which made me even more upset.
What’s wrong? You’re experiencing pregnancy mood swings. The big physical, emotional, and hormonal changes of pregnancy can cause you to feel anything from crying to irritability, frustration, and forgetfulness.
It can be hard to control your emotions during pregnancy, but the good news is that whatever you’re experiencing is probably very normal and temporary. Learn how pregnancy can affect your emotional state and get tips to manage mood swings during pregnancy so you can feel like yourself.
Early pregnancy: Tears and forgetting
The moment you find out you’re carrying a baby, you may experience a rollercoaster of emotions that ranges from excitement to fear, happiness to anxiety. Add to that the fatigue, nausea, and hormonal surge that’s common in early pregnancy, and your mood can change faster than an Olympic gymnast hitting the horizontal bar.
“Early on in pregnancy, your estrogen and progesterone levels surge,” says Dr. Lucy Puryear, psychiatrist and author of Understanding Moods During Pregnancy. “These changes can have a huge impact on your mood. You might be crying one minute and feeling happy the next.”
Kathleen, a mother of one who lives in New York City, remembers it vividly: “I would have what I called a ’10-minute meltdown,'” she recalls. “All the stress in my life would come together and I’d cry for 10 minutes, and then it would be over and I’d have a happy day.”
The crying may stem from legitimate fears : Will I be able to nurse this baby? Will I ever be able to sleep again? — and anxiety can be triggered by small worries (oh my meltdowns). Pregnant women report that commercials on TV, pictures of babies in promotional clothes, old songs on the radio, etc. make them cry.
“Your emotions are right there at your fingertips, so you’re more likely to react to things,” explains Jennifer L. Hartstein, PhD, a family therapist in New York City. “After you’ve had a breakdown, you might panic and think, ‘What is wrong with me?’ This will make you angry again, but just remember that it’s normal, laugh it off, and move on.”
Another puzzling symptom can appear during early pregnancy, which some people simply call “baby brain.” Progesterone, which peaks at this time, is a calming hormone that’s also linked to memory, explains Dr Puryear.
“When I was pregnant with Parker, I put Peter’s Lego set in the fridge and tried to give Keys a drink from a cup!” says Caroline, a mum of two from Oklahoma City.
Phase 2: Uncontrollable excitement
Many pregnant women start to feel better and better once they hit the second trimester. Morning sickness subsides, your belly gets bigger, and you may start to feel the baby moving. “Baby?” can become a fun idea of the abstract concept “baby!”
Hormones like progesterone and estrogen will continue to increase during your second trimester, but your body will likely adapt to this increase and things will start to balance out a bit.
During the second trimester, increased blood flow in your body can make you sexually aroused, which can lead to behaviors like smiling, laughing out loud during a boring meeting, and trying to arouse your partner, says Dr Puryear.
Third trimester: Irritability and energy
As your due date approaches, your excitement may wane as your belly gets bigger, and you may find it increasingly difficult to sleep. You may start to worry about how birth will actually work (“Is this thing going to come out of there?”) or about the big life changes that are about to happen. You may also find yourself becoming increasingly irritable with people during this time, even those closest to you. I’m not particularly proud of the time I insisted my husband leave at 11pm and not come back until he’d found a chocolate donut.
Another common sign at this stage is a strong desire to clean and tidy up. This is likely due to the biological need to prepare for the birth of your baby and an increase in oxytocin, the implantation hormone that helps prepare your uterus for birth and your breasts for milk production.
“Your whole world is changing, and you think, ‘What can I control?'” Hartstein points out. “You’re creating a world that’s incredibly chaotic.” I’ve heard stories of pregnant women mopping their floors until they sparkle, or folding every towel in their linen closet.
This nesting instinct can sometimes go haywire: “About two weeks before my due date, I suddenly had the idea that I had to bake cookies for everyone coming to see my baby,” says Jennifer, a mom of one in New York City. “I panicked because I didn’t have anything to feed my kids, so I spent hours in the kitchen baking about a dozen cookies. I still have some left. Do you want some?”
How to manage your emotions during pregnancy
First of all, remember that there are no “right” or “wrong” emotions when you’re pregnant. Everyone is different, and there are plenty of things that can influence how you feel when you’re pregnant, just as there are when you’re not.
But if you’re feeling frustrated by your emotions, overwhelmed by mood swings, and wondering why you don’t feel like “yourself,” it might help to remember that almost everything about pregnancy can affect how a person feels. Here are some strategies that might help if you’re feeling like your hormones are taking over right now:
Know that your feelings are normal.
Anyone who says pregnancy means happiness 24/7 has never been pregnant. Accept the fact that you will be happy sometimes, stressed sometimes, and anxious sometimes. Having a range of emotions during pregnancy is normal and normal in life. The emotions and feelings you have during pregnancy do not affect the kind of parent you will be.
Talk to other pregnant women
If you think it would help, find an in-person or online support group or arrange a weekly lunch date with a pregnant friend to bounce ideas off of and laugh (or cry) together. Browsing threads and hearing about other people’s experiences with emotions during pregnancy can make you feel less alone.
please take care of yourself
While there are certainly a lot of things to do, it’s also helpful to take time to relax by reading your favorite book, booking a facial, or getting a prenatal massage. Of course, self-care looks different for everyone. If self-care means traveling, going to a concert, or doing some woodworking, then by all means, do it.
Help your partner help you
Rather than getting angry or frustrated when your partner doesn’t instinctively know what to do, it’s helpful to explain specific ways you can support each other, like, “Hey, if I cry, I want you to bring me a cup of herbal tea and quietly walk out of the room.”
Ask for help if needed
It’s normal to feel a little weird during your pregnancy, but if your emotions are affecting your quality of life, don’t hesitate to talk to your doctor. “If you’ve been crying and feeling depressed for more than two weeks straight without any happy moments in between, or if you’re feeling worthless or hopeless, talk to your doctor,” advises Dr. Puryear, who notes that some women may start experiencing symptoms of postpartum depression even before their baby is born.
It’s also important to be aware that existing depression or anxiety may worsen during pregnancy – medications to treat these issues may also need to be changed during pregnancy, which could lead to mood changes.
But your mental health during pregnancy is an important part of your overall health, so be sure to talk to your doctor about any significant changes you may be experiencing. There’s no need to suffer in silence.
