When Is the Right Time for Another Baby? Experts Weigh In

A funny thing often happens among groups of friends who are all expecting their first child at roughly the same time. By your child’s first birthday, you may find that your friends are split into two groups: those who announce they’re expecting a second child, and those who wonder if it’s too early to have a second one. You may find yourself wondering, “Should I have another kid?”

If you’re wondering what’s the best time between two babies, or whether you should have another one, read on to see what experts and experienced parents have to say.

Research on when to have another child

Not all expectant mothers are intentionally ahead of the curve when it comes to family planning (some of us were, um, surprised!). Many also worry about the impact a second child will have on family dynamics. Birth order can actually affect a child’s personality, and you might even wonder if your firstborn has Attention Deficit Disorder. Will we ever get our eight hours of sleep again in this decade? Read on to find out how long doctors think we should space our pregnancies.

Doctors say the best time to get pregnant

Although studies recommend waiting at least 24 months between pregnancies, Dr. Patrice Harold Barrow, an obstetrician-gynecologist and director of minimally invasive gynecology at Hutzelle Women’s Hospital in Detroit, generally recommends waiting until the youngest child is around 18 months old, as long as the mother is in good physical and mental health.

The impact of timing your second child on your health

Research has found that not waiting long enough before trying to conceive again can have adverse effects on a pregnant woman’s health.

“Studies have shown that intervals of less than 18 months are associated with increased risks for the infant, including preterm birth, low birth weight, small for gestational age, and NICU admission,” notes Dr. Harold Barrow.

However, Dr Harold Barrow says that going more than 59 months between pregnancies also increases the risk of conditions such as preeclampsia.

Age-specific pregnancy spacing tips

Less than 2 years

If you’re considering spacing your kids out if they’re under the age of two, there are some interesting benefits, like raising siblings who are also friends. But there are also downsides, like having to deal with twice as many things, from diapers to tantrums.

advantage

• When your family grows rapidly, you have to spend less time with your baby. That can be a good thing: When your second (or third!) child arrives, memories of tummy time and teething are still fresh. “Because you were already changing diapers, the learning curve wasn’t as steep,” says Janelle Lampson of Bakersfield, Calif., whose first two children were born 16 months apart. 
• Plus, many parents find that kids under 2 tend to be less jealous and more intimate with newborns. “My daughters are always together,” says Dara Federman, a mother of two who lives in Brooklyn. “Eliana just said the other day that she wants to live with Leah forever.” 
• This may be the most economical option. You may be concerned that having multiple children will double the cost, but there are plenty of activities, including dance classes, summer camps, and even preschools that offer discounts for multiple siblings. 

Disadvantages

• Caring for two or more children who need constant care and attention can be very challenging. “The first two years were really hard,” says Susan Hayden of Seattle. “There was always one child who was sick or had trouble sleeping. We were always in ‘crisis mode,’ so I think we missed out on really enjoying their stages.” 
• If you have a partner, the relationship may be tested in the early stages. Parents may find themselves exhausted with cooking, laundry, moodiness and lack of sleep. A peer-reviewed international study of parents’ marital satisfaction found that the more children a couple has, the less happy their relationship was. 

Tips to remember

• Watch for signs of jealousy in older children: “Children as young as 1 or 2 years old may not only not be able to express their feelings, but they may not even understand why they’re upset or angry,” says Valerie Mahomes, PhD, CAS, director of pediatric trauma and critical illness at the Eunice Kennedy Shriver National Institute of Child Health and Human Development. 
• Be sure to embrace both children so neither feels left out. “When you’re in the room holding the newborn and your older child, you might say, ‘Let me tell you about your big brother. He can do amazing things,'” says Adele Faber, coauthor of Siblings Without Rivalry . “Then give examples like stacking blocks or kicking a soccer ball.”    
• And ask for help — a partner, parent, friend, or babysitter — to help you take breaks and give your toddler some extra attention. “Take it slow,” says Courtney Kennedy, a mother of three who lives in Emmaus, Pennsylvania, and lives nearby. “You have to do everything in your power to keep yourself and your kids happy.” 

2 to 4 years difference

Some parents believe that an age gap of 2 to 4 years is ideal. This age gap certainly has great benefits, like more time with each child. But the downsides might hold you back.

advantage

• This close-but-not-too-close distance is meant to keep everyone sane and allow them to spend more time with each of their kids. “I didn’t realize it would be so beneficial in terms of one-on-one time with my kids ,” says Jennifer Paige, a mom of three kids, ages 3 and 4, in Tulsa, Oklahoma. 
• The siblings are still close in age, allowing them to share common interests, and many parents say the older child is a natural leader . “I’m always amazed at how much further ahead AJ is than Kobe was at the same age,” said Kelly Thompson of Flower Mound, Texas. “AJ has a brother and he has to keep up. He’s walking faster and he’s a lot better at soccer, thanks to Kobe teaching him. They really play together now.” 
• Assuming you take a typical parental leave and then return to work full-time, an age gap of two to four years between your children may be ideal. “The gap allowed me to focus on learning how to be a mother while also working hard at my job for a few years,” says Mary Plaza, an insurance consultant in Basking Ridge, New Jersey, and the mother of three children born three years apart. 

Disadvantages

•  This revolving door of shifting from baby mode to toddler mode and back again can make you feel like you’re in a very smelly remake of Groundhog Day .  “I’ve been changing diapers for almost 10 years, except for a few months when I’m traveling,” says Paige, a mother of three. 
• This can be especially acute at nap time , when your older child will stop napping just when they really need some afternoon rest. 
• Finding a babysitter can also be a challenge if you have an active toddler and a newborn. “When my older kids were little, it was easy to find someone to take them for an hour or two; families would line up and offer,” says Jeri Ann Hall, a Memphis mom with two kids, two years apart. “But with a toddler and a baby, and now our 5- and 3-year-olds, no one outright said no, but they made it very clear that they should be our last resort.” 

Tips to remember

• Make a conscious effort to avoid creating sibling jealousy. Your older children are used to you being close by. Now, whenever you are not free to play with them, they may get annoyed and develop a rebellious attitude towards the new baby. Your response to this behavior may eliminate sibling rivalry in the first place. Teach your older children proper manners by showing them how to handle and enjoy the new baby. 
• Having a preschooler help with babysitting can make the child feel like a valued part of the family. “Megan loves getting bottles, diapers, and wipes,” Paige says. “When Macy cried, we let Megan take on the role of ‘babysitter,’ singing songs to soothe her and dancing while Macy sat in her bouncy chair.” 

More than 5 years apart

For some families, spacing out the births of children by five years or more may prove optimal: not only will your child feel like an only child, but you may also have a little more freedom and confidence in your parenting.

advantage

• • Each of your kids benefits from being an only child. Each gets individual attention but also sibling friendships, even if they’re not particularly close. Meanwhile, you’re freer to focus on each child. “I definitely get to know my kids as people,” says Mary Ann Guhman, a mother of three in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, who took an eight-year parenting break between her first and second children. 
  • With more experience comes more confidence . “It’s not as chaotic as it was with my first two kids,” Laurente says. “I’m a lot more patient with them.” 
  • Older kids can help with chores. Laurente said older kids are mature enough to really help out. “They become more independent and learn to help each other.” 
  • Your child will still have friends . “I don’t know if a 4-year-old and a 10-year-old want to spend a lot of time together, but they play like best friends and sometimes they fight,” says Rachelle Nettles of Dripping Springs, Texas. 

• They also have potential mentors: As they grow up together, older children can guide their younger siblings through the worlds of playground rules, schoolwork, peer groups, and more. 

Disadvantages

• You bounce between Kid Nation and Planet Baby every day with elementary school obligations and little league nights, kids with a big age gap have vastly different needs, and you have to lug tons of luggage and sometimes crying kids everywhere you go. 
• Starting the entire process of parenting a newborn again can be exhausting . “It was quite an adjustment,” says Laurente, who was back in diapers and naps after a long break. “I didn’t realize how exhausting it would be to try to keep a toddler entertained while watching a baseball game.” That means less time and energy to devote to baby-friendly activities. 
• This distance has some financial disadvantages : Strollers and car seats may be outdated or given away, so new equipment may be needed. 

Tips to remember

• Prepare your older kids for big changes in life. Forget jealousy. Your older child may be acting out of a decidedly bitter attitude. “The arrival of a new child can be more challenging for people who have been an only child for a long time,” says Dr. Mahomes. “You have nine months to prepare for [them]. Use this time to discuss the good changes that are coming and the changes that may be difficult.” On the positive side, researchers note that as siblings grow older, relationships between them tend to become warmer and more cherished. 
• Babies get a lot of attention, so make sure to pamper them, too . “Abby loves reading bedtime stories to her sisters,” says Guman, “but we also give her special privileges like staying up late at night. She loves to play with us.” 

Other factors to consider before having another child

• • Your living space . As your children grow, it’s important that they have enough space to sleep comfortably (though they don’t necessarily need their own room), eat, and use the bathroom privately. 
  • Your mental health. If you have postpartum depression or postpartum anxiety, it’s important to talk to a mental health professional about strategies for welcoming your next baby that can help improve your mental health. 
  • Your financial situation . We all know that children cost money to buy clothes, food, baby items, extracurricular activities, etc. Take a good look at your financial situation before deciding whether you’re ready to raise another child. 
  • Your age . While having children after 35 is perfectly normal and generally not harmful to your health, older motherhood also comes with certain risks, such as having only one child. Alternatively, you may consider having as many children as possible before you get older, which puts you at even greater risk of complications. Younger mothers, on the other hand, have more flexibility in terms of being able to space their pregnancies longer. 

• Your family life . If your relationship with your partner is good, your current children get along well, sleep well, and you both have enough energy to be together without your life feeling chaotic or hectic, you may not want to upset that hard-won balance by adding another child.