Am I Ready for a Baby? 8 Important Questions to Consider

You may be thinking, “I want kids.” But are you ready to have kids? You may have heard  from friends with kids that you’re never completely ready to have kids, but there are steps you can take to be better prepared mentally, financially, and otherwise to embark on the life-changing journey of parenthood. 

 We spoke with Jean Twenge, PhD, author of The Impatient Woman’s Guide to Getting Pregnant, about some important topics to address before becoming a parent. While not every couple or individual’s needs are the same, these questions can help focus you on the important things to consider when asking yourself, “Am I ready to have a baby?” 

1. What kind of parent do you want to be?

You may want to have children with your partner, or you may be thinking about having a child on your own. You can try to conceive through sexual intercourse, egg donation, or sperm donation. Or you might consider surrogacy or adoption. There are many different paths to having a baby, and they’re all unique and each comes with special considerations.

If you’re trying to get pregnant through penile-vaginal intercourse with your partner, you might be thinking, “I’ll just see what happens.” It works: studies show that 83% of people of reproductive age become pregnant within 12 months of stopping birth control. Some people prefer to take a more strategic approach from the start, like tracking signs of ovulation to increase their chances of conceiving sooner.

The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG) recommends that couples trying to conceive using “traditional methods” should see a doctor if they have not conceived after one year of unprotected penile-vaginal intercourse (or after six months if the partner trying to conceive is 35 or older).

There are other methods to conceive, such as intrauterine insemination (IUI) and in vitro fertilization (IVF), or you could consider surrogacy or adoption. These options may require additional financial planning.

2. What is your financial situation?

Raising a child isn’t cheap. According to a LendingTree survey, the annual cost of raising a young child in 2021 will be about $22,000, up 19% from 2016. The best time to review your household budget is before you start raising children. Thinking about how you’ll spend your money before and after the baby arrives is a smart thing to do now.

The journey to parenthood itself can be expensive, including costs associated with pregnancy, childbirth, fertility drugs and assisted reproductive technologies like IVF, surrogacy and adoption. Then there’s the question of what your income will be once the baby is born, whether your employer will give you paid time off or if you’ll need to save up to make up the difference.

Once a baby arrives, child care is the most expensive aspect of raising a child, so it’s important to consider whether you’ll have someone stay home or hire a babysitter, nanny, or other child care provider. “Having a realistic view of your child care options can be a good motivator for saving,” says Dr. Twenge.

When choosing a childcare center, know that many childcare centers, especially infant daycare centers, have very long waiting lists. Each center’s policies vary, but if you have your eye on one in particular, find out early in the process whether you’ll have to join a waiting list.

3. What is your company’s parental leave policy?

“People should review their parental leave options now (including maternity and parental leave) to better understand the length of time they’ll be allowed, the rate of leave pay (if any) and whether their leave can be transferred to holiday leave,” Dr Twenge says.

Parental leave policies vary widely from company to company and state to state, so it’s best to find out your company’s rules and plan accordingly. For example, does your company offer paid family leave? If not, are you eligible for unpaid leave under the federal Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA)? Can short-term disability insurance cover some of your leave?

If you have a partner who’s eligible for parental leave, be sure to find out what their policy is and plan accordingly. For example, if you can take time off whenever you want, you could overlap your leave days so one of you can spend more time at home with the baby.

4. Do I need a mental health check?

Raising a child involves many lifestyle changes that can resurface childhood issues, and research suggests that becoming a parent often leads to at least a temporary decline in psychological well-being.

Before you become a parent, you should explore whether therapy would be helpful for you. Also, if you have a partner and your relationship is unstable, see a relationship counselor before welcoming a child into your life. Even if you’re in a good relationship, it can be helpful to talk about how having a baby will challenge and change your relationship.

Don’t think having a child will improve your relationship, says Dr. Twenge. “It may bring you closer together, but there’ll still be a lot to discuss.” Once the baby arrives, there’s a lot more work to do, and you’ll need strong communication and negotiation skills. If there are already serious problems in your relationship, having another child could create even bigger problems. Resolve both of your issues before you have a third, very vocal (but adorable) child.

5. How will you assign new responsibilities?

A new baby brings with it many new roles and responsibilities. While you may not be able to predict everything about how your new life as a parent will unfold, it’s still a great idea to consider how you’ll share parenting responsibilities. If you’re raising a child alone, that might mean creating your own “village,” with the support of family and friends, and maybe even paid helpers like a night nurse, housekeeper, or nanny.

When you have joint custody, there are a number of things that need to be done, including nighttime feedings, sleepless nights, laundry, meal planning, grocery shopping, cooking, late night grocery shopping, and general household chores that seem to triple after a child is born.

6. How do you take care of yourself?

Being a parent is an incredibly difficult job, which is why it’s important to think about how to approach self-care when you have someone who is completely dependent on you. Self-care isn’t just about meeting your own basic needs. When you’re a parent, even meeting your basic needs requires some planning and collaboration with your partner (if you have one).

For example, if you don’t have paid child care services, you may need to swap child care responsibilities with your partner or another trusted adult in order to have time for your own care. This is especially important for partners who are responsible for pregnancy, postpartum, and child rearing.

7. How do you want to raise your children?

Children are absorbent at an early age, listening carefully to what their parents say and absorbing what their parents believe. Sooner or later, you’ll want to think about the messages you want to convey to your children through your language, traditions, and parenting style.

If you have a partner and you don’t share a common native language, you should discuss what language you’ll speak when you’re together with your child. The same goes for faith: Do you want your child to be raised in a particular religion and participate in the rituals and traditions that come with it? Some people feel strongly about maintaining certain family and cultural traditions, from meals to holidays.

You should consider what parenting style you want to adopt. Some parents are strict with rules, while others are more relaxed. For example, an “authoritative” approach, which balances warmth and discipline, has been shown in studies to lead to better outcomes for children. Exploring different approaches early on can help guide communication between you and your child’s other parents.

Of course, you don’t need to address every aspect of parenting before you welcome your baby — every child is different and so will your approach — but it’s best to consider your overall parenting philosophy now.

8. How does your family live?

Before you become a parent, it’s wise to plan where you want to live and who you want to live with. Newborns are very active, but as they grow, children tend to prefer stability in their living environment. Moving is a natural part of life, but children who move frequently are more likely to have problems at school and encounter other challenges.

Children benefit from having a place they can call home, but they don’t have to be in a traditional family structure to grow up. They may live alone with help from caregivers or in a multigenerational household with extended family members living with them to help raise the baby.

Although a newborn baby won’t take up much space, the inevitable crying and fussing can be a nuisance to relatives (and sometimes neighbors.) Consider whether your current living situation is suitable for welcoming a baby, and if not, what you need to change, at least in the short term.