In a recent interview with Shehnaz Treasury, actress Kalki Koechlin spoke about the less-talked-about challenges women face after giving birth, especially when it comes to re-establishing intimate relationships.
Recounting her own experience after giving birth to her daughter, Kalki recalls, “I was thinking about what it was like after giving birth to Sappho… My vagina was destroyed, it was in pain, I couldn’t even look at it because it was so hard. Slowly coming back to sex was painful and I found it very difficult to say no, so I remember talking about it.”
Actress Dev.D stressed the value of open communication during this sensitive time and expressed gratitude for her partner’s support. “He’s been so understanding. He was patient with me through all that I was going through. I was torn open, I had stitches, and no one talked about these things,” she said. “This is bullshit we should be talking about. I still had problems after giving birth, so I had to go back to the gynaecologist and get surgery.”
Realising that many women are going through similar experiences, OnlyMyHealth spoke to Dr Archana Dhawan Bajaj, Obstetrician-Gynaecologist and IVF Specialist, Nurture IVF Clinic, New Delhi, to understand the common physical and mental issues women face after giving birth and how they can rediscover and reclaim intimacy after giving birth.
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Challenges of intimacy after birth
According to Dr. Bajaj, giving birth causes a lot of physical changes to the body, including recovery time, hormonal imbalances, and physical discomfort, all of which can affect sexual readiness.
While the Mayo Clinic says there’s no mandatory waiting period before resuming sexual activity after giving birth, many medical professionals recommend waiting until your postpartum checkup to make sure your recovery is going well.
Additionally, it’s important to be emotionally and mentally prepared for intimacy after the baby is born.
Dr. Bajaj encourages patience and open communication at this stage as both parties (couples) need to understand and respect each other’s needs.
Changes in Vaginal Health After Childbirth
After giving birth, a woman’s vagina can go through a number of changes.
Vaginal loosening is a common issue after childbirth, says Dr. Bajaj, adding that vaginal dryness after childbirth is normal and natural, especially for women who are breastfeeding. In fact, a 2018 study published in the journal BMC Pregnancy and Childbirth found that 43 percent of postpartum women experienced vaginal dryness in the six months after giving birth. This can make sex, in particular, uncomfortable or painful.
Dr Bajaj adds that after giving birth, women may experience cramping and pain in the perineum, and some may experience postpartum discharge that can last for several weeks.
It is important to note that postpartum women may experience discomfort or a burning sensation when urinating for a few days after giving birth. Urinary incontinence is common during pregnancy and after childbirth.
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Tips for postpartum women who want to resume sex
Take it slow, advises Dr. Bajaj. Giving your body time to recover is crucial not just for your physical comfort, but for your emotional and mental readiness. Strategies to help you return to sex include:
- Massage can help you have sex again.
- Enhance foreplay by engaging in mutual masturbation or other activities before intercourse.
- lubricating
- Kegel exercises can help restore your pelvic floor muscles.
- Open communication with your spouse can help you enjoy sex again and avoid unnecessary frustration.
Wise advice for couples
“Make time for each other, even if it’s just a short walk,” says Dr. Bajaj. Remember, every effort counts. Also, continue to cuddle, kiss, take baths together, give foot and body massages, snuggle, and hold each other. The less-attracted person, even if stimulated, can lean into the connection without the fear of it being forced.”
