13 Signs Your Partner Will Be a Great Parent, Backed by Experts

Courtney Chikwak, JD,  an attorney specializing in custody and visitation mediation and director of the Alternative Dispute Resolution Program at Long Island Dispute Resolution Centers, says a partner who truly cares about the well-being of their future children will make a good parent.   

“They realize that becoming a parent is a major life decision and [they plan] to approach parenthood carefully and intentionally,” says Chikwak. They are thoughtful and confident, and they actively take steps to improve themselves as a partner so they can show up in the right situation and present themselves as the best version of themselves.

Additionally, a strong parent-to-be focuses on what’s best for others, not just what’s most comfortable for themselves, says Caitlin Slavens, MC, psychologist, parenting expert, and co-founder of MamaPsychologists.

Chichwak says that an optimistic and resilient mindset is a strong indicator of good parenting potential. “Optimism is important because you’re going to face challenges during parenting.” Being able to dance in the rain together and make lemonade together during those moments strengthens that bond.

He says these qualities also teach future children important life skills to overcome adversity, develop strength and build resilience.

Chikwak says that clear boundaries while maintaining thoughtful flexibility create the ideal foundation for parenting. “Boundaries are very important because they set expectations, provide stability, and create a framework for daily life. However, being open to exploring different ideas and being creative in solving certain situations can be beneficial.”

Chichwak says a partner who communicates and enforces boundaries while recognizing when it’s helpful to make adjustments and work together contributes to good parenting.

Life with children is often unpredictable, adds Sarah Thompson, MEd, LPC, LCMHC, LCSW, a licensed professional counselor and founder of SJT Therapy. “Parents who are flexible and willing to adjust schedules as needed help ensure that both parents can share responsibilities without feeling overwhelmed or stuck.”

Chikwak explains that emotional intelligence is an important trait for good parents. An emotionally intelligent partner demonstrates a deep understanding of their own feelings, which leads to the self-awareness necessary for effective parenting.

Additionally, pay attention to their ability to empathize with the feelings of others, they should ensure that everyone feels heard and acknowledged during the interaction.

“A spouse who can manage their emotions is also less likely to escalate conflicts or take rash actions, which provides a less stressful environment for children,” Slavens adds. Partners who can accept their strengths and weaknesses are also often more open to personal growth. She says this desire to improve is essential to overcoming the challenges of parenting.

Chichwak explains that managing conflict in a healthy and constructive way is a key trait of a partner who can be a good parent. “Children first learn conflict resolution skills from their family and parents, so this is a critical time for partners to take on the role of a teacher to ensure their children learn how to resolve conflict in a healthy way.”

A partner with strong conflict resolution skills can defuse the situation respectfully and constructively, adds Chivak. Look for someone who uses “I” statements, values ​​their partner, actively listens, asks open-ended questions, and labels feelings. These behaviors not only demonstrate a thoughtful approach to conflict, but also set a positive example for future children on how to effectively handle disagreements.

Chikwak explains that a responsible, balanced partner who makes thoughtful and well-considered decisions is a valuable trait to look for in prospective parents. “Using good judgment and common sense, doing research, and thinking about the long-term impacts of decisions are essential qualities.”

Likewise, a partner who honors their commitments, remains consistent in their presence, and shows up reliably over a long period of time is also essential.

Chichwak says the mark of a good potential parent is someone who puts their own interests aside and focuses on the well-being of others. They also need to respect everyone’s perspectives and seek moments of collaboration and compromise — all of which are incredibly valuable in parenting.

A strong partner, she says, is also willing to build a network of friends and supporters, including family, friends, teachers, religious figures, medical professionals, all aligned to ensure that children have everything they need—and more. “Parenting doesn’t happen in a vacuum, and leveraging a network of those who support parents and children to add additional resources is essential to ensuring that children have the best possible environment.”

Thompson adds: It’s also important for both parties to agree on basic parenting principles, such as discipline, nurturing, and values, before becoming parents. “This makes decision-making easier and more coordinated.”

Look for an encouraging partner who fosters positive relationships between children and each parent while avoiding hostility or competition, Slavens says. After all, trust is essential in parenting.

“A partner who honors their commitments [and] keeps agreements ensures reliability and reduces stress in the relationship,” Thompson adds.

Effective communication is key to success in any relationship, according to Srisuppak, and when partners can openly express their needs, it minimizes arguments and shows mutual respect.

A partner who can effectively express their thoughts and feelings, actively listens, and engages in constructive conversations prevents misunderstandings and conflict while fostering trust and enabling problem-solving, Thompson adds.

“Mutual respect is very important in any relationship,” says Srisupak. When you and your partner decide to have children, they will learn to respect others based on the relationship you model with each other.

Thompson adds that this respect also encourages cooperation and collaboration within the family. A partner who values ​​your perspective and decisions will contribute to a balanced and positive parenting dynamic.

Providing emotional support and acknowledging each other’s strengths is a crucial component of a thriving parenting dynamic, says Srisuppak. “Respect and recognition strengthen [healthy] family relationships.”

Thompson adds that when parents support their spouse’s efforts and work together to meet the child’s needs, the whole family benefits. “Whether it’s encouragement during tough times or helping with childcare, support strengthens engagement.”

A partner who knows how to work together by putting aside their differences is a green flag, says Srisuppak. Each parent thinks of the child’s best interests and priorities first to minimize the impact on the child’s emotions. “They also recognize the importance and contribution of the individual to the child.”

Additionally, a partner who is willing to make concessions and collaborate on decisions shows that they will focus on the child’s well-being rather than going their own way, Thompson adds.

Thompson says that parenting can be a long-term, evolving process. “A patient partner who knows things won’t always go perfectly and is willing to work through challenges will be a boon to the parenting relationship.”

According to Chichwak, there are several warning signs that indicate your partner may not be ready to become a parent yet. Here are a few red flags to consider:

• • Inability to reach agreement on many things (stubbornness, avoiding conflict, inability to compromise, being overly aggressive or emotional, controlling or possessive)
  • Unable to communicate in a reliable and coherent manner
  • Keep essential information secret, otherwise you won’t be able to have an open dialogue.
  • Hold a grudge and fight the idea of ​​forgiveness.
  • Speaking negatively about the other parent causes division and drama.
  • They cannot regulate their emotions or may be moody or unpredictable with their emotional state
  • Lack of empathy and self-awareness to understand the impact of one’s actions on others
  • Struggling with communication boundaries or following boundaries set by others
  • Engage in unpleasant actions that show disrespect or a lack of consideration for those around you.
  • They have fundamentally different worldviews and beliefs about how children should be raised.
  • They are introspective and focused on their own interests and motivations.
  • Disinterest in parenting, inability to prioritize it, or indifference
  • Struggle with personal responsibility and not taking responsibility for your actions.

• Unreliable in commitments and communication or shows a lack of trust.
• Show poor decision-making skills
• You have a history of domestic violence, substance abuse, threats, intimidation, coercion, isolation, blaming, aggression, neglect, or other harmful behavior.