When I was pregnant, a man would often come by my office. Every time we met he would say the same thing: “Go home and get some rest!” He may have meant well, but I always felt uncomfortable. Perhaps it was because he wasn’t the only one offering unsolicited advice about how to live in my pregnant body.
I’m a journalist who covers prenatal health, so I havea strong understanding of what’s safe for pregnant women and what’s not , but at every turn, people were warning me off about things my doctor and I both thought were totally harmless to me (traveling, drinking a daily latte, hiking, etc.).
Apparently, there are still many people out there who believe that pregnancy renders a person completely impotent and exposes their body and behavior to public criticism, so it’s not all that surprising to see that Summer House star Lindsay Hubbard suffers from this very condition .
Hubbard, who recently announced she is pregnant with her first child, will star in the show’s upcoming season, which is set to film this summer. For those unfamiliar withSummer House , it’s a Bravo reality show that features New York City residents who descend on a house in the Hamptons every weekend. There are plenty of parties happening inside the house, and of course, the stars are drinking.
Presumably Hubbard would have abstained from alcohol while joining in the rest of the fun, but what’s so bad about that? After all, Hubbard’s ex-fiancé, Carl Radke, appeared on multiple seasons of the show while sober. People don’t seem to care that he chose to stay sober while living in a party house.
But when Hubbard posted a photo of herself, seemingly taken on the set of the show, along with a picture of her pregnant belly on Instagram, people had some thoughts. One user wrote, “This is not going to be a summer house. No point with all these crazy parties,” while another added, “Honestly I don’t know why you’re back at the party house again. Different times sis,” and another added, “Well it’s time for you to take some time off the show and just be a mom.”
Insert big eye rolling icon here.
Hubbard and many other critics didn’t buy it. “What is going on here?!?” “I have never seen so many people freak out that a pregnant woman can go out with friends on the weekend while baking baby cakes,” one commenter wrote. “Wasn’t she supposed to stay home the whole time? Barefoot and in the kitchen pregnant? If she’s feeling well while pregnant, then she’s going to have fun with her friends. What year is this?!?”
“No, really, it’s very confusing,” Hubbard replied.
She was right. It was confusing . It’s puzzling that even as we’ve insisted on seeing pregnant people as human beings, sparked discussions about pregnant women’s capabilities, and spread messages about the importance of trusting people to make their own choices about their bodies and their families, we still find ourselves deeply immersed in a culture that judges and controls every action of pregnant people.
The image of a “barefoot pregnant woman” who is somehow still alive and more animated than a lively baby is, as Hubbard says, confusing, frustrating and upsetting.
This isn’t just a matter of criticizing Hubbard for daring to have fun, leave the house in the middle of the night, and go to a few parties while raising a human child. FilmingSummer House was Hubbard’s job and her main source of income. Are we really going to shame a pregnant woman for making money? Wait, of course we do, because mothers get shamed all the timefor working (or not working) for money
Hubbard may have signed on for another season of the show to make more money. She may have done it simply because she enjoyed being on TV. She may have done it to have one last carefree summer with friends before becoming a mother. For all we know, she may have even signed on for the reality show before she found out she was pregnant. The thing is, she had her reasons, and they’re none of our business.
You don’t have to explain the choices you make while pregnant unless they’re genuinely risky choices, and as someone who’s been writing about pregnancy for a decade, I can say with confidence that filming a reality TV show doesn’t meet that standard, even if the show involves a fair bit of partying.
Of course, Hubbard isn’t the only one who’s faced this kind of unnecessary scrutiny just for living life. I’ll never forget the time I attended a very close friend’s wedding while pregnant. I went to the afterparty with the other wedding attendees and received countless strange (or disparaging) looks for being out at night while pregnant. On one occasion, as I approached the bar feeling thirsty, the bartender frowned at me and yelled, “Maybe a water?” before I could order anything (actually just a glass of water).
Sure, you’ll be tired, achy, hot, and irritable during pregnancy, but that doesn’t mean you have to spend nine months cooped up inside. In fact, I think socializing and getting out and about before you have a baby is a great idea. Because while becoming a parent isn’t the end of your life, it certainly is life-changing in almost every way, and socializing will likely take a back seat once the baby arrives.
What Hubbard is doing (making money, advancing her career as a reality TV star and influencer, spending time with friends, and having a fun summer) is not only safe, it’s also smart. And no one has the right to regulate what she (or any other pregnant woman) does.
