Yellow Jackets star Samantha Hanratty was overjoyed when she found out she was pregnant, as anyone who saw the TikTok she posted about the experience could tell. But like many other expectant mothers, Hanratty was soon hit with the reality of pregnancy, which isn’t always as blissful as we might think.
In the TikTok video that follows, Hanratty is visibly dejected as she laments what she imagined her pregnancy would be like and how different that image was to her experience of the first trimester. It’s heartbreaking to watch.
“I want to be like Hailey Bieber,” Hanratty said. “She looked so happy and radiant… and then there I was.”
“I knew it would be hard, but it would be beautiful,” she added. “I’m supposed to be… glowing, but I’m not.”
Hanratty, who was 10 weeks pregnant at the time of filming the TikTok, revealed that she had always felt unwell and weak, had to go to the emergency room twice, and had fainted and vomited multiple times during the shoot .
“I just wanted to see a nice view,” she said through tears.
The early stages of pregnancy are difficult.
Wow, I see. We’ve all heard (and some know) that pregnancy is extremely physically tough, and the concept of morning sickness is pretty common cultural knowledge. But what we don’t often talk about is just how emotionally draining the experience can be.
“Not much is talked about about the first 12 weeks of pregnancy,” Los Angeles-based prenatal and postnatal therapist Gayane Alamian, LMFT, tells Parents magazine . “The reality is that those first 12 weeks are a very vulnerable time.”
The first trimester can be especially difficult as many women are pregnant in secret.
“Even doctors say anything could happen (like a high risk of miscarriage), so most people don’t tell anyone they’re pregnant, or only tell a few people,” Alamian says. “Because the pregnancy is kept secret, they lack a sense of community to connect with others and can’t share how difficult and lonely it can be. They also don’t get any real feedback or support, so they’re left to grapple with their own thoughts. Often all they see on Instagram are happy, blissful pregnancies, and they start to wonder if there’s something wrong with them, when they could be experiencing something completely different.”
The gap between expectations and reality isn’t often discussed when it comes to pregnancy. Sure, we all know that you may experience a lot of discomfort and fatigue when you find out you’re pregnant, but stories of “happy and glowing” pregnant women are actually quite common. If that’s not your own experience, it’s hard not to feel frustrated or like a failure.
Pregnancy photos and reality on social media
The world of social media has changed the way we think about pregnancy for the better – issues of infertility, miscarriage, postpartum and maternal mental health, for example, are finally being discussed in public.
At the same time, the Instagram-ification of pregnancy has in many ways deepened this “glorious” pregnancy story: we see happy pregnancy announcements, gender reveals, maternity photo shoots, and so on.
And while yes, there are graphic confessions and lengthy captions that allude to morning sickness, bloating, fatigue, chest pain, and a host of other realities, it’s hard to escape the images and the glorious, serene, blissful beauty they convey.
Hanratty is referring to Hailey Bieber, who recently gave birth to her first child, and it’s no surprise that images of this celebrity shaped some of Hanratty’s expectations for her own pregnancy, when Bieber finally announced her pregnancy while looking incredibly stylish in an artfully shot video.
But I think the reality of early pregnancy, especially for those who are severely affected by symptoms, tends to be a lot less glamorous, even for someone like Bieber, despite what social media would have us believe. After all, these images are just a fleeting moment, and don’t reflect the whole experience.
Many of us know this, but when it comes to our own pregnancy lives, it’s hard to separate our tendency to play the comparison game from understanding the one-sided image social media presents. Hanratty is not alone here.
“I definitely think social media has increased the pressure to have a shiny, happy pregnancy,” Alamiyan explains. “In the past, people could compare themselves to their neighbors, their coworkers, the people in their village. Now, with our phones, we can compare ourselves to millions of people around the world, and that’s not healthy.”
Hanratty’s struggles are easy to empathize with, not just because of the physical challenges of pregnancy (which she seems to be having a really hard time with!), but also because of unmet expectations. Of course, pregnancy hormones and the mood swings they cause certainly don’t help.
So if you’re pregnant, take the time to take care of yourself, respect your body and your journey, and above all, pamper yourself.
